Random ramblings by Matt

Once upon a time, there was a pop star named Madonna.  (She was mostly a pop star back then.  The baby snatching didn’t come until much later.)  Anyway, she was giving an interview, and in response to some question (I dunno what it was) she said something to the effect of, “Yeah, Weird Al will probably do ‘Like A Surgeon.’”

Weird Al heard the interview, though, “well, okay,” and a funny song (iTunes, Amazon MP3) was born.

Flash-forward to 2001, when The Onion runs this article on one Brian Warner, aka Marilyn Manson: Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People

“Look at me, suburban dung,” Manson told Wesley. “Does this shock you?”

When Wesley replied no, he said Manson became “petulant.” Recalled Wesley: “He started stamping his feet and shaking his fists, saying, ‘What do you mean no? Aren’t your uptight, puritanical sensibilities offended? Don’t you want to censor me so you don’t have to confront the ugly truth I represent?’”

Flash-forward again to 2009, and  Mr. Warner has distilled that article in song form with his new single: Arma-g*****n-motherf***in-geddon (iTunes, Amazon MP3).

The tune is actually kinda catchy, but the lyrics make no real sense at all. He’s trying to be shocking and edgy, but he never quite gets beyond sad.    Unless he’s using self-parody as a way of preventing Weird Al from covering his songs, in which case he’s more clever than you and I.

My experience at the inaugural Seattle Rock ‘n Roll Marathon, by the numbers:

• Number of minutes we had to sit around and wait for the race to start: 100 (At the same group’s inaugural race in San Antonio last year, we and hundreds of other runners were late to the start because the shuttle buses got hopelessly behind.  We overcompensated this time around.)
• Number of Michael Jackson tributes I saw: 2 (One was just a sign that said “Don’t stop till you get enough.”  The other was a poster collage of MJ photos, along with a women dancing and swinging around a boom box playing Jackson 5 tunes.)
• Number of pregnant women in their third-trimester I saw running the race: 1 (I didn’t ask or anything — it actually said “Third Trimester Marathon Mama” on the back of her shirt.  I do not know if the fetus got his/her own mini-medal at the finish.)
• Number of people I saw laid out on the asphalt, being attended to by the medical staff: 2
• Number of people I saw getting loaded up into an ambulance: 1
• Number of dead squirrels I nearly stepped on: 1
• Number of dead animals I saw which were no longer identifiable by species: 1
• Mile marker at which I “hit the wall”: 14 (In my previous three marathons, I hit that dubious milestone at miles 20, 23, and 19.)
• Number of miles I therefore had to run while being painfully aware of every step, unable to distract my mind from the task at hand: 12.2
• Number of songs I made up during that stretch, all of which revolved around choosing death over finishing: 3
• Number of minutes it took me to finish: 300.383
• Number of my previous 3 marathons which I ran slower: 1

And that pretty much sums up the race.  The course was not up to the high standards we’ve come to expect from the Rock ‘N Roll race series.  The marathon course had three lengthy “out and backs” where you run out a road, turn around, and run back.  It’s a bit demoralizing looking over and seeing the people who are a few miles ahead of you streaming by.  (And not nearly as equal a boost when you’re on that side looking at the people behind you.)

As far as Seattle itself — I’m sure it’s a great city, but we apparently stayed in the wrong area (right by Qwest Field and Safeco Field).  It was very close to the finish line, which was nice, but all the other days we were there, it sucked that everything around us closed at 5 PM or so.  If we wanted that, we could’ve went to downtown Pittsburgh.

A summary of the touristy things we did:

1. Space Needle – yawn
2. Experience Music Project – interesting enough; it was too crowded to actually get to use any of the exhibits that let you “experience” things, though.
3. Science Fiction Museum – this is connected to the EMP, and we found it to be far more interesting.  Right now they have an awesome Jim Henson exhibit.
4. Pacific Science Center – interesting enough, but it’s no Carnegie Science Center.  It does have two IMAX theatres, though.  One for commercial films, and a smaller one for the educational-type ones (we saw a film on Lewis & Clark there).
5. Woodland Park Zoo – a nice zoo.  On par with Pittsburgh.  Has a new penguin exhibit that seems similar to what they’re doing down at the National Aviary.

And that’s about it, I guess.  Oh — one restaurant recommendation.  If you like Spaghetti Warehouse here, check out The Old Spaghetti Factory out there.  It’s very similar (down to having a caboose to sit in), except each meal there comes with free ice cream for dessert.  We went twice.

Next up is the half-marathon in Chicago in early August, also a Rock ‘N Roll event.  Woo.

So I wanted to say something snarky about singer* Kevin Rudolf on Twitter the other day, but I couldn’t fit it in 140 characters.  All I needed was a Fat Albert episode guide to link to, but to my surprise I couldn’t find one.  Now that I know you can’t find everything on the Internet, I’m not sure what to believe in.

Anyway, I once saw an episode of Fat Albert where his friend becomes a rock star with a song that consists solely of singing “I’m a rock ‘n roll star” over and over again.  Things are going great, till she plays Fat Albert her second single, which is the exact same song, only this time the lyric is “She’s a real cool kid.”

I was subjected to Kevin Rudolf’s second single by some radio station or another the other day.  It’s the same damn song.  I dare you to tell them apart: Let It Rock, Welcome To The World.  (Links require iTunes.) Kevin Rudolf and Fat Albert’s friend — could they be the same person (with a little gender reassignment surgery thrown in)?

* – I use the term singer loosely.  Anybody who saw his performance at halftime of the NBA All Star game would probably concur.

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

We finish up this series with the (way) lesser edge of the Strip, and a few things off-strip.

Circus Circus

Really does have circus acts.  Has an indoor amusement park, with a decent roller coaster.

On the whole, the place is cheap, and it shows.  For some reason we once thought it’d be okay to eat at the casual dining place here.  Let’s just say that it turned out to be the high school cafeteria of the strip.

Sahara

If you want to know what it was like to live in the Seventies, then run, don’t walk, to the Sahara.  The carpeting, the ambiance, the smell — it’s all original, as far as I can tell.

Has a connected Nascar Cafe, which has a decent roller coaster named Speed.

House comedian is Roseanne Barr.

Stratosphere

A rather dumpy Vegas version of the Space Needle.  The only reason to stop by, and you have to do it once, is to ride the three rides on top, 866 feet above the Strip.

Last time I was there, I took video of two of them myself…

Insanity:

Insanity

and X-Scream:

X-Scream

They might not look like much, but consider that both dangle you over the edge, again, over 800 feet above the Strip.  Highly recommended, at least once.  The third ride, Big Shot, catapults you over 1000 feet up — offers an excellent view of the mountains.

Anyway, that’s pretty much the strip in a 3000+ word nutshell.  Off the strip, I have some recommendations:

The Rio

Owned by Harrah’s, so you can catch a shuttle from Harrah’s or Caesar’s Palace, or it’s a very short taxi ride.

It’s an interesting place, with the Masquerade Village featuring the Show In The Sky, as well as a Lucky Strike Lanes bowling alley, an excellent buffet, and the two & only Penn & Teller.

We’ve seen Penn & Teller twice, and it was excellent each time.

Fremont Street

I don’t find any of the downtown casinos to be all that interesting, but it’s worth a taxi ride over at night to see the Fremont St. Experience,  a block long canopy slash video screen.

And that’s about what I know about Las Vegas.  As mentioned a few installments ago, here’s a quick “who owns what” for the 4 major companies that own most of the Strip.

MGM-Mirage: Excalibur, MGM Grand, New York New York, Monte Carlo, Mirage, Luxor, Bellagio, Mandalay Bay, Circus Circus.  They are currently building CityCenter, and they used to own but just sold Treasure Island.

Harrahs: Harrahs, Flamingo, Bally’s, Caesar’s Palace, Rio, Paris Las Vegas, Imperial Palace.

Wynn: Wynn Las Vegas, Encore, and the rumor is they might buy Bellagio from MGM Mirage.

Las Vegas Sands: Venetian, Palazzo

Happy Gambling…

(Start with Part 1 and Part 2.)

Mirage

The Mirage is the resort that kicked off the current era of the Strip,  what I’ll call the “How can we go bigger and more garish than the last one?” era.  (I tease because I love, though.)

It is home to the second-best Cirque du Soleil show on the Strip — Love, based on the music of The Beatles.  It’s also the home of Siegfried & Roy’s Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat.  And, of course, the original free outdoor attraction, their volcano, which erupts hourly at night.  All of these are recommended.

Venetian

The first thing you are likely to notice outside the Venetian are the people getting gondola rides through the canals that snake through the inside and outside of the building.  Sometimes the gondola drivers sing.  I guess this is recommended for people who really want a gondola ride, and/or want to appear in random stranger’s vacation videos.

Venetian is home to the Blue Man Group, which we saw on our last visit.  It was good, but I’d recommend hitting at least Love and the soon-to-be-discussed Mystere, at a minimum, before you consider spending money on this one.  (On a side-note, during each performance they create a Jackson Pollock-style painting, and the one from the show we saw now resides in my office.)

Venetian is also home to a Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum which is highly recommended as a fun diversion.  Especially the horror exhibit, which is done as a bit of a show with a human actor.

The Grand Canal Shoppes are worth a walk-through if you aren’t shopped out yet.

The Venetian rivals Caesars Palace in terms of finding (or rather, not finding) your way around.  It does not have a buffet.  And I do not recommend staying here, because….

Palazzo

On our last trip we stayed at Venetian’s new sister hotel/casino, The Palazzo, and it instantly became our favorite place on the Strip.  Clearly, Las Vegas Sands took what they learned from Venetian and built on that.

We played plenty of slots and Blackjack here.  The dealers were friendly and efficient, and we even found some $5 games.

Everything is as opulent as Venetian, but here you can actually find your way around.  It has its own set of high-end shops, and a great show in Jersey Boys, which we did not see as we’ve seen the touring production back home.

If you want to go the luxury route, the suites here are amazing.  Nothing like heading back to your room, taking the few steps down from your bed area to the living room area, grabbing the remote control to raise or lower your blinds, and relaxing on your giant wrap-around couch.  About our only complaint was that at night our fabulous view was taken up by the worst free show on the strip, Sirens Of TI (more on that in a little bit).

No buffet here, either, but it’s a short walk to the Wynn Las Vegas, so that’s okay.

Treasure Island

About to pass hands over to its third owner, TI (as it’s mostly known) represents the best and the worst of the Strip.

The worst: their free night-time outdoor show, Sirens Of TI.  It involves a group of Pirates being lured in by a group of Sirens.  About the time the Sirens start disco dancing, unless you’re a teenage boy, you’ll wish they’d just given you some of whatever they were smoking when they designed the show, instead.

The best: Mystere, the best Cirque du Soileil show on the strip, hands down.  Maybe the best anywhere.  You want crazy acrobatic feats?  You want to fear for the safety of the performers?  This is your show.

Wynn Las Vegas / Wynn Encore

Wynn Las Vegas and its new sister hotel, the Encore, set new standards for over the top opulence on the Strip.  Owned and created by Steve Wynn, who designed Bellagio, you can see he’s trying to out-do that casino and everything else in Vegas by a large margin.

The buffet at Wynn Las Vegas, at least the brunch I was at, is amazing.  If you want it, they probably have it, and none of it came out of a box or a microwave.

For some reason, I have good luck with the penny Megabucks slot machines at the Wynn — well, not “won the $15M jackpot” good luck, but put in a $20 and walked away with more than $100, anyhow.

Wynn’s house show is Le Reve, a Cirque-like show designed by “Drago,” who designed many shows for Cirque du Soleil.  It was fairly critically savaged in its early months.  I presume they’ve improved it but I have not seen it myself.

Encore’s house show was Danny Gans, who unfortunately passed away suddenly this month.

And on that down note, that’s all for this installment.  The next and last installment will cover the north end of the Strip, and some notable off-strip properties.

Happy gambling.

[Update: Part 4 is now available.]